Birthdays Make Us Say Stuff

My daughter's school birthday celebration

Yesterday I turned 41-years-old. I’ve been allowing a sneaky thought to find its way into my brain. Because I’m 41 it’s okay to not exercise or care about my body. I’ve been eating whatever I want and not doing anything for making myself feel strong and powerful and beautiful.

Yes, I’ve been going to therapy and that’s a huge thing. Yes, I’m introspective.

Yes, I realize that I don’t need my body to be perfect to feel good about myself.

I won’t lie and say I want to get in shape for purely health reasons, although that’s the major impetus.

I feel bad about the condition of my whole being. I know exercise and eating right will make me feel better on all levels. Yet I’ve been resistant to change.

I’m so busy being a mom to three little kids and writing and doing publicity. I feel guilty taking time for myself. But if I take some time to get healthy, won’t that help on all levels of my existence?

Today, I change.

Today is my first tennis class; it is 90 degrees out.

The paramedics may need to be called.

Stripping Down on CT Style

Here's my interview on WTNH channel 8's CT Style.

Enjoy!

Anderson Cooper and CT Style

Lot of rain here in the Northeast, but I'm keeping busy nonetheless!

Part II of an interview with me is up today on Elena Hartwell's Arc of a Writer blog. We discuss the process of memoir writing and how to remember all those pesky details for your writing.

I had a great time at Anderson Cooper's daytime talk show. The episode aired yesterday. I talked about Natalie Oliveros's story, a porn actress and mother, who is trying to rewrite her future as a wine purveyor.

The question was: Can a  "porn-mom" be a good mother? And you know what my answer is already.

I see no reason why a woman's occupation should determine anything having to do with being a mother. We can all be good mothers and have "other" selves that we don't share with our young children.

You can check out my clip (as recorded on my cell phone; sorry!) here.

And be sure to check out my interview tomorrow with CT Style on WTNH channel 8 in New Haven, CT, at 12:30 PM.

Time Magazine Provokes Conversation with Breastfeeding Mom Cover

Here’s mom, 26-year-old Jamie Lynne Grumet, breastfeeding her son on Time magazine’s cover.

It certainly got the attention of moms everywhere. The article accompanying the somewhat controversial photo is all about attachment parenting and has a profile of Dr. William Sears.

While I think the cover was designed precisely to stir up strong emotions from both camps, I don’t have a problem with the cover photo.

I think the headline: Are You Mom Enough? is more controversial, but once again, controversy is where it’s at if you want to get noticed today.

The big question becomes what kind of conversation this photo will open.

Hopefully, there won’t just be lots of attacks and silly comments from people, but maybe there will be some setting aside of preconceived notions and judgments from moms on both sides of the issue so we can examine how our ideas of attachment parenting versus “modern” parenting are just that—ideas.

Can we finally set aside what “method” of parenting is right or wrong and simply find a way to support all parents in raising their children in the best way each family sees right for them?

"Glam-Me" National Moms Night Out Event

 I'll be speaking at the Mommy's Links sponsored event "Glam-Me" Girls Night Out tonight.

Celebrating NATIONAL MOMS NIGHT OUT, focusing in WOMEN’S EMPOWERMENT!

Thursday, May 10, 2012
6:00 PM TO 10:00 PM
The Society Studios
317 Rutledge Street
Brooklyn, NY 11206
(Between Harrison Avenue and Broadway)

And just for being my friend and all, you can purchase discounted tickets today as a VIP guest!

I hope to see you there!

Why is Porn Seen as the Best Option for these Moms?

Perhaps because Mother’s Day is right around the corner, there are a lot of controversial moms in the news this week.

Another porn star/mother is Alana Evans, who appeared on Dr. Drew’s HLN show May 1st and was reported on the Huffington Post.

"Porn saved my life. It gave me a way to be with my son, to be with him every day after school," Evans said. "It gave me enough to take care of myself to take care of him, to pay our bills without being on welfare and stay off public assistance."

“Evans even came to the defense of "Octomom" Nadya Suleman, who shortly after filing bankruptcy, has reportedly signed on to star in a masturbation video for extra money.

"Any woman who's willing to do whatever she has to to take care of her children -- even if that means doing porn -- good for her," Evans said. "Other people may not agree with it, but ... in reality she is putting her kids first."”

I totally support women doing what they need to do to make ends meet as long as they feel good about what they are doing and not harming anyone.

Perhaps the big issue that isn’t being addressed is that porn is the best option these women see for themselves as a way to make enough money to support their kids and spend time with them.

Why is that? Why are there not better options for working mothers?

Can a Porn Star Be a Good Mom?

20/20’s theme Friday was “True Confessions,” which wouldn’t be complete without an adult entertainer of some sort.

ABC News introduces us to Natalie Oliveros, mom to 10-year-old Luchino, who is a porn star know as Savanna Samson.

"My life means nothing without, without him," Oliveros said. "Everything that I've done in my life, all the choices I've made, will one day benefit him instead of being a shameful thing for him."

We also have “Octomom” Nadya Suleman in the news this week saying that she might consider doing porn in order to provide for her children: Octomom Nadya Suleman Reevaluates Porn.

So the question everyone’s discussing: Can an adult entertainer be a good mother?

Well, let’s take a look at what really matters—is the mother providing for her family, raising her children to be good people, and being true to herself?

If a mother can say yes to all these questions, then I don’t see what the problem is. Being an adult entertainer is a legal job. Yes, it’s a job that requires a level of openness with one’s sexuality that not all people have, but if the woman is not harming others, why should it matter?

"I'm just an entertainer, and this is how I choose to entertain," Oliveros said. "And, morally speaking, that's what's confusing about me, is that I do have morals. And yet, it's contradictory, I guess, by the industry I'm in."

We all have different morals and those morals even change over time. But that’s just it—they are our morals, no one else’s to decide for us.

As adults, we all have “secrets” we don’t come right out and share with our children when they are too young to understand. And if we’re parents, we’ve all pretty much probably had sex at some point in our lives. Sex and children kind of go hand-in-hand.

So to jump to the conclusion that just because someone has sex for money on film that they can’t be a good parent just doesn’t add up. To attach our own “values” surrounding sexuality and what it should look like is unfair.

We all make choices and yes, there may be repercussions for adult entertainers in the form of more explaining that needs to be done for our children. But in the long run, sexuality is a complicated issue no matter whether we are or have been strippers or porn stars or are just moms who have more traditional careers.